Thursday, July 16

"Bike Trek" and the Failed Failsafe Turn

When failsafe aircraft structure breaks, bad things happen. When failsafe turn fails in a bike commute, things are not quite so bad - you improvise like anyone else on a two hour journey to discover new worlds and boldly go where no bike has gone before (at least not in the last 15 minutes)! Of course, this episode is based on real life, in the uncharted galaxy of NORTH TARRANT COUNTY.
  • Scotty: Cap'n, there's a Klingon train (freight train) comin' along those tracks next to Katy Road!
  • Kirk: Scotty, accelerate to warp factor 8 (20mph) and we can still obey the prime directive (take the primary path)
  • Scotty: But Cap'n, a mysterious subspace force (head wind) is interferin' with the warp engines and I canna' make her do any more or she'll blow us to kingdom come; those Klingons are gonna beat us to Keller Hicks.
  • Kirk: Spock, execute Failsafe 2. Start computer countdown (scan the distant traffic clots due to the train).
  • Spock: Yes Cap'n, but there's a 61.9% probability that those Vulcan Cruisers (cars) that passed us through the Neutral Zone (across double yellow lines) will plug the worm hole (4 way stop) up ahead because even their shields (air bags & other safety equipment) are no match for a Klingon train. Ironic how their "we're big so move aside" evaporates so easily. All of a sudden, "it's not fair."
  • Kirk: Get off your high horse, Spock, we've got a ship (bike) to move here.
  • Scotty: Cap'n, up ahead, there's a plug in the worm hole, we canna make it to Failsafe 2! We're all gonna...
  • Kirk: Calm down, Scotty, we'll use a photon torpedo to blast those Vulcans.
  • Scotty: But Cap'n, aren't photon torpedos illegal in Fort Worth? Star Fleet would not allow it! We're on a journey of peaceful exploration.
  • Kirk: Sorry, Scotty, I forgot myself. In that case, slow to subspace speed and use the impulse engines on low (turn pedestrian) and we'll slip right past all those Vulcans.
  • Scotty: Aye Capn' - they walk across the 4 way stop intersection and are about to re-engage the warp engines when the last train car suddenly goes by.
  • Scotty: Cap'n, that Klingon train, it just suddenly VANISHED!
  • Kirk: Full stop, full about, resume course for the prime directive (prime path). Spock, inform Starfleet that Failsafe 2 is faulty and the Kobyashi maneuver (turning pedestrian) may be the only way to safely counter a terminal Vulcan worm hole blockage. While you're at it, escort Scotty to sickbay (Starbucks) and have them give him something so he's a little less dramatic (triple filtered ice water, NOT coffee). And let's ditch these Vulcans, I've got a hot date tonight back at Outpost 27 (home).
  • Spock: Aye Captain. To be precise, trying to go through on either side with warp engines engaged risks total destruction of the ship and all its crew, which would be real BAD.
After returning to the prime path, and many other similarly harrowing adventures, the ship and its crew safely wind up executing Failsafe 3. To celebrate, Kirk ordered up a pint of grog (swig from the water bottle) for the whole crew. Unfortunately the crew got a little surly since the water was about 100F by this time in the journey. But that's another episode of "Bike Trek."

2 comments:

Rantwick said...

Steve,

It's not too late. Come back to us Steve. We can work on this together...

Steve A said...

"Bike Trek" not ready for prime time?

Did you not notice the little educational nugget slipped in - that there's no shame in becoming a pedestrian to minimize the amount of time a motorist clot slows you down. MUCH safer than riding through it, and very practical if the clot isn't TOO big. I could have accomplished the maneuver safely & quickly, even if that road edge had been covered with jagged glass and obstructed by swinging car doors. It's another advantage of a bike. Trying to be a pedestrian with a car is a hot, sweaty business that usually involves a tow truck.

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